We're all capable in doing bad things.
Now l've done my share.
Things l'm truly ashamed of.
But should men laugh?
So young and full of sweet promise be tragically cut down forever
had a chance to shunt?
lf l ever get out of here, as god as my witness,
somebody has got to pay.
Or as the great German philosopher Red Nirch once said,
That what does not kill us, is gonna witch its head
'cause we're about to FedEx its sorry ass
back to where it came from.
Or something like that.
My daddy always says everything is bigger here in Texas.
Even the sky.
l don't know how true that is
since l've never been over the state land.
l do know the state has produced lots of famous people.
John Wayne is from Texas.
Also President Arson Howard Johnson, Bush and Bush.
And Richard, who is a democrat.
But a really cool person,
the Mary Kay of May Kay Cosmetics.
And, one day soon...
...me.
l decided at age 3 l was gonna join the illustrious Texans,
no matter what it took.
l was gonna be a TV star.
l know what you're thinking,
why would some supremely smart girl like me
wanna just be a TV star?
The answer, Good Morning America.
What can be more satisfying and rewarding than
knowing that every morning, it's you who wakes up
this great American nation with a smile?
l never doubt that l'd make it
if I follow the path to the top footstep by footstep.
And tonight is the very crucial footstep.
Starla! We don't want to be late, darling.
l'm ready.
That's my growing-up little girl.
Oh, daddy, please.
Enjoy while you can, cupcake.
Before time and gravity do their work.
You just look beautiful, darling.
Doesn't she just look beautiful, Randolph?
Looks like a drag queen.
- Shut up. - Hush.
What do you know about drag queens? Get out of here.
Starla, have you decided or not?
It is an honor to be selected as a house family.
Mommy, you've been bugging me about this for months now.
Why do l want some more friends stuck here around for?
Honey, in her letters, that girl just sound so sweet.
And she wants to come here so badly.
Mommy always thinks about you, honey.
You know you can't afford to fail it.
l know. l just don't have time to entertain some boner.
And besides, we pull those ungrateful French butts out of two world wars.
isn't that enough?
Starla, l want you to remember,
it's no shame not winning in beauty patent.
It's not a beauty pageant.
It's a celebration of all the modern women.
Charm, class and sophistication.
It's the little thing she does. That's why she wins.
Look at her eyebrows when she sings Beef. Here it comes.
Beef. See it?
Women aren't meat! Women aren't meat!
That meat thing Doreen had on
was so disgusting and almost blew charms.
How can she take something so...
admirable and positive
and turn it into something so ugly and ridiculous?
And just think of all those people who went hungry
so Doreen Gilmore could be different.
Vegetarian.
l mean, l'm all for it.
But she needs to pick something with a little broader appeal.
What?
l don't like this Japanese music.
It's Mozart.
No, smarty. Mozart played the piano.
Hey, baby.
Kyle, you know you're not supposed to be in here.
Oh, no one care. Are you, ladies?
No.
l just came by to wish my best baby luck.
Oh, thank you.
But l won't need it.
All that left is just interview portion,
and there's no way l could lose.
No matter what they ask, l'm gonna bring up the god.
Excellent.
Then you and me can do some celebrate.
All right, ladies.
Lighten up.
Ashley, Tanner,
you're my best friends in the world.
And l don't care who wins, just as long as it's one of us.
Starla...
Tanner, you can barely see those bags under your eyes.
If the lighting is right, maybe the judges won't either.
They'll be too busy taking that on when Ashley do pop-up on the dress.
Good luck.
Bye.
And next, the very first Miss Splendona Beef,
former cowboys' cheerleader and pageant coordinator,
Miss Kimmy Sue Sprinkle.
Thank you.
And our three finalists.
I'll ask each finalist one question,
beginning with Tanner Jennings.
Tanner, what is your advice to today's teenagers
who feel pressured by alcoholics and drugs?
Well, l think today has a lot of hard...
...drinking...
Thinking to do about consequences.
To quote a former first lady, a wife and a real mother,
just said blow... No! No!
Our next question is for our finalist number two, Ashley Lopez.
Ashley, do you think it's possible for a woman to have a career
and still be a good homemaker and giver?
l think anything is possible as long as you have faith in the Lord.
l love you, Jesus!
What a tramp! She used my God quote!
And finally, our final finalist,
a fine young lady,
Starla Grady.
Starla, if you have to put some of your personal philosophy
in one word, what would it be?
Community.
This world would be better off
if we can spend so much time on our knees,
worshipping at the altar of self.
Now l admit l have enjoyed enormous success as an individual.
Yes, l was the junior intent
for the Texas state legislate last two summers in a row.
Of course my appearance bother me most
wind up in people magazines.
But all of these mean nothing...
if I'm not servicing my community.
And gosh, l'm so proud. l want the whole world to know
what a very special community we live in.
And so, in the spirit of global- warming, my family, the Arnie Grady,
have decided to host Splendona's first ever,
all the way from Paris, France,
four exchange students.
Well, she locks this one up.
Gosh, l wonder whether she'd be love.
l'm sure she'll just be darling.
Oh, my gosh, here they come.
l'm so excited.
Hello, l'm Genevieve.
Bonjour.
In order of your visit,
we learn a little French culture.
Arnie, would you like to start?
Start what? Oh, right.
That's not the word we agreed to pond.
If that is some kind of French profanity, Randolph Grady, l swear...
It means bottom onto death.
Well, then... that's okay.
Everybody, wave to the camera now.
Smile, everybody.
There she is!
All right, that's enough.
It's huge, like a castle.
Just so huge!
Wait till you see what's inside.
Surprise!
Isn't she great?
Hi, how are you?
Good to see you, thank you for coming.
Isn't she just adorable?
Starla, you have so many friends.
It's a blessings. But trends come in responsibility.
Hi, how are you? Good to see you.
Come on, let's drop your stuffs. Randolph, get the luggage.
l'm so bored.
Maybe we can find whatever it is Mrs. Grady sucking down like a bitch.
Genevieve, these are my two best friends,
Ashley Lopez and Tanner Jennings.
Hello.
So, this is our French visitor.
Muai. That means yeah.
It's what hip people in French say.
Do you speak American?
She's French, Tanner, not a deaf.
Bon cigar?
No, l do not smoke.
l thought you all Europeans smoke like chimneys.
For a time, l did.
But it took away my appetite,
and made me drop the weight like flies.
And?
See you.
Those two are real sweet, but they are big sluts.
Starla.
Hey, stud.
l want.
Genevieve Leplouff, this is my boyfriend Kyle Fuller.
Hello.
Never before l've seen a man with such a... big meat.
Kyle is class president, and he's been quarterback of
Slendona High's Longhorn since tenth grade.
When l first came to head cheerleaders,
naturally we started dating.
It's destiny.
How romantic.
Hey, you two want some meat?
- Maybe later, sweetie. - Okay.
lf you don't eat meat, people would look at you like some foreigner.
Oh, sorry.
Here l am giving makeover at old folks home.
This is me in Beef Pageant.
This is me with Humane Society's puppy.
They totally puked over my new jacket right after we took this picture.
l swear l want to put that damn dog in the microwave.
In America, if you wanna be famous,
you have to care about charity and stuffs.
It makes people not hate you.
Which reminds me,
these are some old clothes l'm giving out
to the breast cancer, burn victims.
What is this?
That's nothing.
Please, Starla, l want to know all about you, everything.
It's a checklist.
Fifty steps to become 6-million-dollar-run,
a host in Good Morning America.
What's the Junior-angle Persons Competition?
It's like a contest,
where everyone picks a subject
and then makes a video about it.
Mine is about missing children.
My mother got it made in a professional new studio.
Is that allowed?
They have to deal in the big time.
When l win, l'm gonna use the scholarship
to do broadcasting in Wellesley.
And then it's just a hop skip to jump to do in TV weather...
And then going national.
Starla, you life is so fill me up...
Welcome to my world.
You're amazing.
It's my job to be amazing, Genevieve.
And l take that job very seriously.
Oh, let me carry your books.
You don't have to do that.
Please. It will help me keep my mind of how fast my heart is beating itself.
l'm so nervous that people don't like me.
Don't underestimate yourself.
You have lots of potential.
Hey, Starla...
It's very important to maintain good relations with public.
Ashley, Tanner.
It's okay, it's French.
Hey, Doreen. What an interesting perfume.
What is that, CK spam?
Hey, Beef Queen.
What do you want, Ed?
Let's see. In a word, Community.
And to meet the secret weapon of the crown.
Sorry?
Hey, leave her alone, Ed. She's new to this country.
Hi, Ed Mitchell.
Genevieve Leplouff.
Come on, you can watch me doing school announcement.
Wait, you gonna pass up a photo chance?
That's right, front page of school papers.
Beef Queen host foreign exchange student and etc...
But, with a big picture.
What a bore.
It'd be a great way for people to know about Genevieve.
So generous, l'm touched.
Let's see a big meaty smile.
Bet me, you Manhattan poser.
l'm from Albany.
Like there's a difference.
Can we shoot this public while l'm still young?
Come on, l want Genevieve in this too.
Right, come on.
l'm sorry, l'm so clumsy...
- It's okay. - Not to worry.
We'll just take another.
Just think the camera is a mirror.
And you're smiling at yourself.
Okay.
Three, two...
Good morning, Splendona High.
This is Starla Grady with the morning news.
Principal recommended that
rumors about bad food bought in the school cafeteria
are highly exaggerated.
He goes on record saying, the tuna Castro
is just as fresh this week as it was last week.
And now, Global news ran up.
It's rally Palestinian peace talk broke down yesterday
without any progress towards the complements.
Who'd guess?
Something disgusting happened in Africa again?
And a note, remember all you Longhorns,
the big game is Friday night at 8 o'clock.
This is Starla Grady saying,
can't we all just get along?
Thank you, Starla.
- Good job. - Thank you.
You all should've read through
of Madame Bovary in original French.
To... test our comprehension,
can someone summarize for me?
Anyone?
We have Starla.
Would this be on the final?
Would this be on le finale?
Yes.
You call yourself Hornettes?
l've seen better kicks from premiere women!
Hey, Genevieve.
Kyle, bonjour.
l'm just watching Starla.
She really knows how to spread her legs...
To kick.
She knows how to kick.
Must be nice to grow that stack on your body...
...stack on your arms...
My English is not so good.
What l mean to say is
l'm very happy to know Starla.
And you.
It's very meat, and very very warm.
Ladies and gentlemen, Splendona High marching band
and the Hornettes!
Let's hear for the Hornettes...
and their captain Starla Grady.
Mrs. Grady must be so proud.
Yes, we are. We're very proud.
Randolph honey, would you hand mama a fresh ice tea please?
Excuse me.
Thank you.
What do you think?
It's so exciting. l've never seen the American football.
All right, the game. But what do you think of me?
You're splendid.
Thank you.
We got one hack of a bound going on here.
Quarterback Kyle Fuller, No. 8, lead the Longhorns to the 38-yardline.
With Splendona's last time-out,
still fall back 2 points with 10 seconds left in the game.
Longhorns need to bring up some powerful magic this time.
Option right on two!
Ready?
Rule 21, ready?
Touchdown!
Splendona wins!
The Longhorn wins!
It doesn't get better than this.
lf only l'd see the writing on the wall...
l just don't know...
It was in French.
So, Genevieve, how do you like Texas?
Great, l'm loving it.
It's all so beautiful.
As beautiful as France?
For me, France would always be beautiful till death.
Yeah, we get that hear too from Vanessa from South East.
Honey, bring me a Margarita.
Last summer l fell in love with my boyfriend in Marseille, Jonary.
Jonary was a gypsy, and he has a soul in poet.
One day, we put our feet in lilac.
That night, we covered our faces in French moon.
Our love was pure.
But papa hate Jonary.
l was guilty to papa since my mother died in an accident.
And he was terrified that l'd run away.
Then one night....
A man attacked him. And l'm the orphan.
Jonary came to papa's funeral with this undying love for me.
We decided to leave the very next day by train for Rivera.
Where he'd join the circus as a juggler.
l wanted nothing more than to bear his children and watch him dancing.
It stayed with me until the next day at station.
What happened?
l wait. And l wait.
Day turn to night.
Still no Jonary.
It was only later that l know,
on his way to meet me, he must've been so excited,
because he drove too fast,
and flew off his motorcycle into the sand, and drown.
That's so...
European.
Don't cry for me.
In France, we're told,
certain of us enjoy sisters holding hands,
each one lock to each other.
Right...
And that gorgeous romantic Jonary
was thrown off his motorcycle and drown in the sand.
Right?
That is totally Titanic.
Hey, Titanic was a movie.
What happened to Genevieve was real.
Excuse me, before Titanic was a movie, it was real.
Let me see...
When am l?
And Genevieve, what happened to you?
l wanna do whole page on Genevieve.
No, l couldn't possibly...
Oh, but you have to.
Then you can tell your whole sad sob story.
Right, people feel real sorry for you, and you'll get lots of dates.
But this article was supposed to be about me!
...welcoming Genevieve...
and l think an article on you is a great idea.
It could be about how l brought you here
and how l'm helping you to adjust to different culture.
Well... if you insist.
Merci.
Starla... Starla!
Yes?
Your grade is now drop below a C.
l'm afraid l have to inform the cheerleading sponsor.
Ms. Sprinkle?
Why? It's not like l got dead all the sudden.
Starla, anything below a C
prohibits you from participating your extra-curricular activities.
Cheerleading included.
Get serious.
But l've been head Hornettes for 3 years.
Sorry.
It's state regulation. No pass, no play.
Wait, l studied for that test, l swear!
It's just that l was in bed for serious menstrual cramps.
You know what's it like? Like a whole body aches and
your breast are like on fire.
So could l just get another chance, please?
Okay.
l won't say anything for 2 weeks.
lf you get an A on your oral exam, that will bump you up to a C.
Anything less, and l'm gonna have
to talk to Ms. Sparkle... Spankle... Sprinkle.
Thank you.
One lousy act and suddenly no cheerleading?
It'd totally screw up my checklist!
That Mr. Duke is such a...
Wanna some cake?
l was thinking big apple. But whatever.
l could have studied.
Yeah, what's the catch?
No catch, it's gonna be nasty the rest of my life.
l should've known you exploit this emotional blackmail.
That's just mean, you... user.
l'd just get Genevieve to help me.
What are you doing?
l just wanted to see what it felt like...
It's okay, no big deal.
Your life is so glamorous.
Forgive me.
Now l've upset you.
No, it's not you.
Genevieve, l'm gonna fail this exam
unless l learn how to speak French by next Friday.
l know l'm being a drama queen
but if I fail that class, l'd be turnout of Hornettes.
My life could go completely off the rail.
lf only l knew someone who can help.
Starla...
Genevieve, l don't speak French, that's the problem.
l'm French, l can teach you.
l can't ask you, not on top of everything else you do.
By the way, did you remember to pick up my dry cleaning?
Don't be silly.
You've been so wonderful to me, you're welcomed by the tutor.
Well, if you insist.
l'd make a tape of these lessons that you can listen to over and over
until it's your second nature.
Don't worry, you'd get high marks in your orals.
l'm so glad. Everyone you know likes you to come to America.
Hey, Genevieve.
l'm making French tape to help Starla.
Come on, tell me all about yourself.
Me? l'm nobody.
Nothing interesting ever happened to me.
Why don't you let me be the judge of that?
Ed, you're so... what's the word...
hunky?
Hey, Starla.
- Great shoes, Starla. - Hey, Starla.
Hey, Genevieve.
What? Oh, hello.
Now you've American friends.
But l don't even know that girl.
Yes, but you know me.
That's called fame association.
Look at that Beret.
Is that how they wear them in French, Genevieve?
She notices my Beret.
Yeah, l was gonna say something.
But l didn't want to embarrass.
Hey, Genevieve.
Superior article about you in school paper.
About you?
Genevieve's tragic passed behind her,
to start new as an American high school student.
Perhaps most refreshing is her natural appearance.
What a relief from cosmetics-enhanced Barbies
that seem over populated our school.
Barbie is a role model.
The boys see this picture, we gonna have to beat them off.
What does it say about me?
Here it is. Right underneath the lunch menu.
And for Genevieve's present among us, due thanks must go to Stalra Grady.
Stalra?
Stalra?!
Oh, my god. That is so pathetic.
Starla, if I know it'd make you unhappy,
l'd wish l'd throw myself under a plane.
Don't be such a drama queen.
l'm not mad at you, l'm mad at Ed.
And you wish you could throw yourself under a train.
l only want him to tell the world
how much you've helped me.
And because...
l thought he likes me in a way of romantic.
That's it.
We won't let him get away with this.
Ladies.
l think it's so completely despicable the way you use poor Genevieve.
What are you talking about?
You know damn well what l'm talking about.
Pretend to flirt with her so she can open up to you?
Wait a minute, she flirted with me!
All right, now they got your precious story,
you gonna toxin her side like an implicated diet Pepsi.
l'm not toxin anybody's side.
You wanna be taken outside
with taking advantage of a foreigner like that.
l'd put a sock in his, won't ya?
It's people like you who gives America a bad name.
You wanna talk about it, blonde bimbo.
Now look what you've done.
l have a good mind of account can beat you off.
Up. Beat you up.
Starla, wait! Come on!
What kind of shirt is that?
It's a T-shirt.
Don't even have a logo on it.
When l'm done with you,
you're gonna forget about all about Ed.
You never cease to be aiding me.
l just thought this tape would help pay you back
for all you've done to me.
Okay, listen up.
Top 10 reasons to cross guy off your list.
Number 1, he forgets your birthday.
Number 2...
He always fall on his Manhattan sophistication, he's so...
suido.
What makes him so special?
We should call him Special Ed.
Number 2...
What can a name is Ed anyway?
l heard his real name... is Edwin.
Edwin?
l mean, Genevieve is like this pitiful foreigner
which makes us all ambassadors of America, right?
But no, Special Ed has to manipulate her to make himself look good.
He's so...
use-all-rious.
Come to think of it,
the whole school is nothing but a bunch of bonny posers.
There's abusers, losers and self-abusers.
Okay, Genevieve, we're all done.
Is something wrong?
No...
You did a wonderful job.
It's me. l'm just not meant to wear make-up.
Right, you might be right.
Where was l? Oh, yeah.
And don't get me started on Mr. Le Duke.
Mr. Unmarried-but-teenage-girl -make-me-pop-my-jimmy.
- Good morning, mama. - Good morning, baby.
Hey, have you seen Genevieve?
She and your father left early, hunting.
Hunting? As in shooting?
You know you dad always wanted a child he can kills things with...
...now he's finally got one.
l thought Genevieve hates shooting.
Well, yes, but you have to remember, Starla, she is French.
Those people think Jerry Louis has cigar.
What is that have to do with anything?
Well, darling...
what is anything have to do with anything?
- Good morning, everyone. - Good morning, girls.
Hey, you girls sleep okay?
- Oh, yeah! - Fine, thanks.
Can l have one of these, Mrs. G?
Where's Genevieve? Still sleeping?
No, her bed's been empty all morning...
You little perk!
l'm gonna get you, Randolph!
What's your problem?
No problem. No problem at all.
- Honey. - Hi, daddy.
Well, thanks again for coming up with me today, Genevieve.
It was my pleasure, Papa.
Papa?
Oh, l told her she can call me that.
Sweet heart, she is a part of this family.
Oh...
l hope you are ready, Starla.
You are gonna be so proud, Mr. Duke.
Let's start with the dialogue in lesson 2.
Shall we?
Excuse me, miss. Where is the library?
The library is in the center of town.
Perhaps we can meet there this afternoon for casual sex.
We can mate like angry weasels while an elderly nun watches.
See? And you thought l wasn't motivated enough to pass.
Starla.
Wait, there's more.
l have a mouth like ten fingers and ten fingers like a mouth...
...and l want to ride your horsie, cowboy.
Stop right there, young lady!
l realized it's natural to develop a crush on a older, more experienced man.
But l am married!
Ew! You and me?!! You wish!
Sir!
How can l flunk French?
l was tutored by a total French girl!
Starla, l just heard. What happened?
Everything was fine, and then he accused me for coming on him.
Hello!
Please, Starla. l hope all these will not affect your cheerleading.
Oh, my god!
l'm gonna get kicked off!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...
l just don't understand.
Who cares if you can speak a language that sounds like...
you are trying to hock a loogie?
Is that really gonna serve you better in the real world...
...than being able to kick your heels over your head?
Hey, you preach another choir Mrs. Sprinkle.
Can you temporary put one of the girls into my spot?
l think l just create an empty space somewhere else.
There's a very delicate balance here.
...5, 6, 7, 8...
1, 2, 3, 4...
Uh...
This is a crazy idea, l know, but...
Perhaps, l could step in for Starla until she gets her grades up.
You replace me?
Alright, it's a terrible idea, please forgive me.
Wait! Can you dance?
Is that our girl? Ooh-la-la!
But she's no Starla.
Thank you, Randolph.
She looks nothing like a drag queen.
Hey.
What do you want?
Here to get your recommended daily allowance of...
...homogenized blonde bimbo?
Here to apologize.
l said some very harsh things.
Oh.
Well, apology fairly accepted.
Genevieve coming on me, looking hot...
...touching my knee, give me this French looks...
l fell for it. l think you'll get what you wanted.
l'm beginning to notice she always gets what she wants...
and what l want too!
What are you reading?
Oh, l like Dick.
Okay, I'll cut the crap.
Just tell me what this means.
l have a mouth like ten fingers and ten fingers like a...
AHHH!!!
Damn! Where's that tape?!
l need a drink.
She even stole my Diet Pepsi!
What the heck?
Okay, bitch! It's payback time!
Hold it, cowgirl!
She is just bimbo!
She made me learn bogus French so that she can take my spot on the dance!
l mean, what kind of person could be so...
Calculated?!
Well, you!
The only reason you sponsored that exchange scheme is...
so that you can win that pageant, right?
What a mean thing to say!
Oh!!
You mess with the wrong person.
Get ready to party!
Come on, babe, we are just dancing.
That's not dancing, that's draw hopping!
Sorry, but that's how we dance in my country.
Well, then everyone in your country is a big fat whore!
Maybe if you know how to keep your man happy...
he won't have to dance with some whore such as myself.
Starla!
Starla, why do you have to be so nasty to Genevieve?
She's been like your slave.
Right! You just can't stand for anybody else has a little bit of attention, bitch!
Don't call me a bitch! Bitch!
You are a bitch! Bitch!
And we know you call us sluts!
You are sluts!
Girl fight! Girl fight! Girl fight!
Listen to me, everybody!
She set me up! She made a fake tape so that l failed French...
so that she can take over my life!
Let's get you out of here!
l'm gonna get you!
You are going down!
Uh...we are here.
What's happening to me?
But why is everybody suddenly turning against me?
Well...you are a...
You are a...
l'm sure you are a really nice person.
And layers and layers of stuff.
But you kind of have to dig through.
But...
l like you.
You do?
Yeah.
Um...well...
Thanks for rescue me back there.
Edwin.
Wow.
- Looking great! - Hey, cute outfit!
- How's it going? - You never return my call.
Hey, Genevieve!
Good morning, Starla!
l love your new perfume. What's that call?
l remember, it's call Over!
Oh, yeah?
Oh, in case you didn't know Braille, totally retarded!
Come on, let's go, let's go!
What else could she take from me other than my life?
l was gonna get this leach. For she sucked me dry.
Please find Genevieve LePlouff.
Paris, France.
Any information, please email me at SuperStarla.com.
What the hell do you want?
Don't speak French!
Starla, wait. l've done these things.
But only because l was tousle with beautiful life.
Please do not kiss my knee.
l know you'd never forgive me.
But at least let me try to explain.
Explain what?
l had a beautiful family myself.
And then piece by piece my life fell apart like a dry croissant.
Then l came here, you opened up your limbs and welcome me to...
your family warm bosom and let me in to your world.
And then boof...
Thanks to you. l have a new family.
l admired you so much. l adored you.
And then...and then l wanted to be you.
Your life is like a fairy tale.
You are so beautiful.
Everything l wasn't. l became obsessed.
l was so jealous of you.
You poor thing. It must have been hard.
l tried to take your family away...
how can you ever forgive me?
l almost feel guilty my life was so perfect.
No wonder you were jealous.
Don't blame yourself. You shouldn't feel guilty.
l know it sound strange, but...
If it wasn't for you totally messing my life...
l would have never realize what it's like to not be the best.
Hey, who knows? Maybe it'll make me even a better person.
l will make everything alright, l swear it!
l must, or l will lose my soul.
There's only one way to extinguish my guilt.
The tape!
Oh, Starla, that out fit suits you so well.
l'm so happy we are friends once again.
Me too.
But first thing first.
Let's hurry up, cause l don't want to be late for French class.
Don't worry, after my confession you'll once more...
be the princess of Splendona High.
Trust me, l will make sure that everyone will know the truth.
Oh, let me do that.
l'm just so happy to get my life back.
- Hey, Starla, good to see you again. - You look great!
Hi! Beautiful day.
Hey, Starla, how's it going?
Hi, there.
- Hi, Ed, we are on our way to French... - What are you doing with her?
It's like a miracle.
She turned over the tape, and she's gonna confess everything.
Are you okay?
Sure. l never felt better.
She went through this whole Catholic thing...
Kissing my knee, and calling herself a whore.
It was like taxi cab confession.
We'll get everything straighten away.
I'll be head hornet again, Kyle and l will get back together.
I'll be a lock for the Junior Angle Persons Competition.
You'll take Kyle back?
Well, yeah.
What?
Nothing.
Hope it all works out.
You deserve it.
Freak.
What was that about?
l have no idea.
Hi, Starla.
Wow.
Young lady, you are no longer a member of my class.
Now, l don't want any trouble from you...
so why don't you just turn around...
Genevieve has a little something she wants to get of her chest.
Go on. Tell them what really happened.
Play this tape!
Starla, l won't have you disturbing this class.
Mr. Duke, something is a little more important than French class.
In fact, most things are.
Play this tape!
Now!
Please, do what she says. Play the tape. l beg you.
The whole school is nothing but a bunch of phony poseurs,
and abusers, losers, and self-abusers.
Actually, that's not the right tape.
l think we all like to hear the rest.
l think let me start out with Mr. Duke.
Mr. Unmarried-but-teenage-girl -make-me-pop-my-jimmy.
I'll tell you something else.
l heard that on the weekends he really gets together with his neighbors...
and they take off all their clothes and they...
Enough for that.
You don't understand, she switched the tape!
And l suppose that wasn't your voice we're hearing?
Help me. She has a knife in her purse. l am afraid she's on drugs!
She got a knife and she's high!
Bitch!
Come with me.
Oh, man! Come on. Come on.
If this turns out good, can l order prints?
This is Sheriff Flinkman from Splendona Sheriff's Department.
Hello?
Mrs. Grady. This is Sheriff Flinkman.
Oh, yes, we've been expecting your call ever since the school dispelled our Starla.
You know she's probably in a spot of trouble.
You might want to come down here to check her up.
To tell you the truth, officer. l talked to my husband, Arnie...
and we both feel a little tough...
would it be okay if we just sort of let Starla cool off for a couples of days.
Would it be okay?
Oh, yeah.
Very good.
Thank you, Sheriff Flinkman. Bye.
At last! Parent who cares.
Who was that?
Starla. She called to say she'll be working all night with Ed...
rehearsing a new piece for the competition.
And she might need to stay until tomorrow.
Oh. Okay.
Am l getting out of here?
l'm sorry, honey, not yet.
But we'll gonna let you get all cleaned up.
Oh, just being in here makes me feel dirty.
To be honest, l could use a nice hot bath.
Are you telling me non of you all got any creamers?
Dear God, l promise if you let me out of here, to become a sweeter...
more caring, and considerate person.
Thank you God for giving me this cell of myself.
I'll take that as a sign.
Ew!
Now what?
You are free, darling.
Where's mom and dad?
Genevieve told them you'd meet them at the Junior Anger Person Competition.
So they let me rotten in prison?
They didn't really know.
Well, then who bailed me out?
l did.
You, how?
l thought you might need this.
Are you telling me you broke your piggy bank for me?
Somebody have to do something.
Why? You don't even like me.
Nobody fucks with my family and gets away with it.
Now, let's go.
Where are we going?
Get the car.
Someone else does.
lf you are here to tell me how a jerk l am...
Take your number.
No, but before you move on, l have to say...
You were cruel to me.
l know.
But can we please hurry, cause l don't want to miss the competition.
There's a piece of information you should know.
This came in your email.
l think you might like to read it.
Genevieve LePlouff was a student at our school who graduated in 1939.
You'll find her grave at the cemetery in Paris just 3 headstones behind...
...Jim Morrison and 2 headstones to the right of Balzac.
What?!!
Where did you find this girl anyway?
l didn't find her, she found me!
Who is she?
There's more.
Spin it out!
Sorry, what is it?
l think she is trying to steal your place in the competition.
l overheard her practicing your piece.
What?!!
That cow is incredible!
l'm gonna kick her asshole ass!
What?
Come on! Take me home!
Welcome everyone to the KEHA Studio's Junior Angle Persons Competition.
The winner of the Junior Angle Persons Competition...
will be awarded the scholarship to study broadcasting at Welsley College.
And who knows, big chance to reach big fame and fortune.
Our first contestant is Susan Douglas from Tomkins High...
with Mulch, the Gardener's Friend.
My name is Susan Douglas, and my story tonight is important...
because the world need mulch.
Yes!
Where is Starla?
Mama?
l have been thinking...
the important thing is for the show to go on.
l will fill in for Starla if she's not here in time.
Can you do that?
Yes, Papa, l've giving the judges a good talking too.
l think it's what she would have wanted.
Next up, ladies and gentlemen will be Doreen Gilmore of...
Splendona High with Colorblind.
Tonight l'm gonna introduce you to the Haskell family.
James, Lurlene and their seven year-old son, Ronny.
Ronny hasn't see much tragedy or pain in his young life...
but as you'd discover tonight, it's really doesn't see...
that's truly hurts.
He was like any child, full of life and laughter...
But Lurlene knows her child was not like any child.
Ronny was helping me setting up the table, and l said...
Ronny, bring mama the ketchup.
And he said, which one is that?
l said the red one, darling.
He brought me the mustard.
This is it!
l'm gonna hurry to do this tape.
Wait!
l mean, l wanted to be a Angle Person my whole life.
What if I'm no good?
What if I fail?
What if the best l can do is...cable?
What? Do l have something on my face?
You just make me laugh. That's all.
Go get them!
Well, that witch does not kill us, only makes us stronger.
Thanks.
l think.
That is the question for the experts...
l would just like to say to you all...
Little Ronny is so young...
So young...
l don't know why God did this, thank you.
You are not suppose to be in here.
...substitution of the entry, taking the place of Starla Grady...
will be Genevieve LePlouff.
You've got the wrong tape of Starla Grady.
This is the right one.
Ladies and Gentlemen with Missing Girl.
Thanks, man!
Tonight l'm standing in for Starla Grady...
...who showed me so much love.
Starla could not be here tonight, because she has suffered the temporary set back...
in the on going battle with drug addiction.
What?
Today, she's in prison. Strung out in disgrace, who once...
proud reputation in school.
It seems that Starla has a double identity.
She deceived her friends and her family and unfortunately...
could not deceive herself.
How does she pay for this addiction?
l will simply say that prostitution is one of the most ancient form of comers.
My subject is the tragedy of missing children.
Tonight I'll tell you the heartbreaking story of ...
one little girl who was been missing for too long.
Video, please.
Take a good look at this missing girl.
It's Genevieve Leplouff.
The French exchange-student we have all come to know in love.
Right? Or is she someone else?
Look again.
Many of you might recognize this missing girl.
It's Carissa Vulgasey. Formerly of Splendona, Texas.
Oh, my God!
Yeah.
Isn't that right, Carissa?
Oh, you are such a loser bitch!
Okay, that is not French.
That's not even European.
Damn you, Starla Grady!
For those of you who might not remember Carissa...
this clip courtesy of archives of my father, Mr. Arnold Grady...
might refresh your memory.
It was in third grade at the harvest festival.
When little Carissa had a most unfortunate encounter with the ice.
l remember that.
What happened after that?
Now, we know the truth.
Carissa's family moved to France.
Surely some of you remembered.
One day for some reason, she created Genevieve Leplouff...
and returned to Splendona with me and my family...
unknowingly took her in.
Gave her love and understanding.
And what did she do?
She waged a smear campaign against me!
How could you do this to me?!
Yes, it's true! l admit it!
l'm not even ruin your life, and l tell you why.
Because you ruin mine!
See? You don't even remember, do you?
It was you who told me to kiss that cow's ass for good luck...
and l fell for it!
Was that so funny?
Even after my parents moved away the pain remain.
Don't you see?
She ruined my life!
l'm the victim here.
Get over it!
She's right.
l, Starla Grady, take responsibility for Carissa's pain.
Carissa, l'm sorry.
Come on, Splendona. Help me embrace Carissa...
and let her know that her long nightmare is over.
Welcome home, Carissa!
Amazing, she's even lock this one up!
You manipulated brat, you uses me again!
Look at you!
So self-rages of perfect!
You are a bigger fake than l could be.
Well, Carissa, what ever are you talking about...
You know goddamn well what l'm talking about!
You humiliated me in front of this piece-of-crab town all over again...
just to win some stupid competition!
We both created ourselves and we both used other people...
as to get what we want.
You know, you always were a bad loser!
l hate you!
l hate you, and this town, and all the pathetic brats that live here.
Say what you want about me...
but don't mess with Splendona!
Starla...
Starla!
Starla...l was a jerk.
l was a complete jerk!
l was seduced by her.
It's you who l love.
How can l make it up to you?
Kyle...Kyle...
- Beautiful Kyle... - Oh, thank you, baby.
You are so fired as my boyfriend!
Slapping people is fun.
Ed!
Ladies and Gentlemen, may l have your attention please?
Where are you going?
Come!
Honey, come out!
What we saw here today was in hearts, truly unusual presentations...
...l'm very happy to say that decision is completely unanimous.
Alright, let's start with the winner...
Ed!
Hey, what's the matter with you?
l just realized something.
This is your world, there's no place for me.
What are you talking about?
Starla, why don't you just go back in and receive your award?
You worked so hard for it.
l don't care for the competition anymore.
That doesn't sound like the Starla l know.
Well...
People can change.
And now the winner of the Junior Angle Peoples Competition...
and the receiver of the full scholarship to study broadcasting...
at Welsley College is Doreen Gilmore for Colorblind.
What?!
Come on up here, Doreen.
That stealing my show?!
l guess it doesn't matter, does it?
You're right, what the hell?
l'm speechless, thank you God so much.
This means a lot to me.
Let's get out of here.
Next fall, l'm going to Welsley College...
...without a scholarship.
l mean, if Doreen Gilmore thinks she can kick me from...
...sitting on a couch with Katie Pert.
She's got another thing coming.
l know, l know, there's room for everyone.
l told Randolph that l was a vegetarian...
he was surprisingly accepted.
He told me that he had been putting blanks in daddy's gun for years...
that was a nice moment.
It's cool what happens when you stop being who you are supposed to be...
...and start being who you really are.
l mean, who ever thought of a guy from upstate New York...
named Edwin, would be the first person to take me over the state line?
CHARLES DEGAULLE AlRPORT Paris, France.
Starla?
Bonjour!
.